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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Friends vs. Family

Long story, so I'll try to keep it short. My "sis" is actually my best friend who is my brothers' ex. I've known her since she was 16 and I was 21. her and my borther went through some nasty stuff when they seperated. All caused by him. he did a lot of abusive things to her, cheated on her, tried to run with my nieces, threatened her. It was an ugly situation. Well, I stood by my beliefs and told my brother what I thought of him and haven't spoken to him since. That's not an issue to me. He's always been an ass and nothing has changed.

Here's the problems that are starting to happen. I've invested a lot into this friendship and latelyshe hasn't been. She moved from the city we wer both living in to be near her mom. That was abut 2 1/2 years ago. We wet through a rough pach inour friendship while she was staying wit her mom because her stepdad doesn't like me or my kids. She'd barley call me didn't want to see us. Then she got tired of his shit and finally decided to put her foot down and let him know that we are friends and that is that.

Now she's doing something similar. She got in contact with a friend she has known since 4th grade and once again is barely calling me. We used to talk at least every other day. She'd call me on her way home from work. Now it's like once a week. There was als an incident with her making an appointment for her mom to get her hair done during the time Chantels bday party was going. She called me on Chantel's graduation day but only wanted to talk about what my brother was doing. I asked her to call me back because I wanted to tell her about Chantel's goodbye party she said yes, and then never called back.

I think I'm just being emotional about it, but I really do feel slighted and forgotten. I tried talking to her about it the other day and she said you don't call me either. I gave her that, but I never know when is a good time. She doesn't leave work when she's supposed to and whenever I tr to call her at home it's always interupted and short. She tred telling me that she used to call me at night after the kids went to bed and that was when we would talk. I reminded her that the only time she would do that was when she was wanting to talk/vent about the crap my brother is putting her through.

She's always been there for me when I really needed her. Honestly she's been more family tan my real family has ever been. It just bothers me that now that she has another friend she doesn't call or want to come down. That sounds petty, but it's how I feel.

On top of this, my mom is trying to push me into talking to mybrother again. She doesn't understand that I refuse to back down from what I believe. I don't need someone like him in my life. It's all about him and no one else. Plus the only times he "misses" me and wants us to be a family again is when he is taking his ex back to court, which he just served her again.

We are supposed togo down to my mom's for a couple of days for spring break and I just found out that my brother is also supposed to be going to the coast that weekend. I haven't calld my mom to see if he is planning on being at her house durin the times they want us to. I'm really afraid that she is planning on trying to force a reconciliation. she's neve been able to understand that once you're out of my life for doing dirty shit to me, my friends or my kids(which he'sdone all three) you're not coming back.

I've already decided that if she goes this route, I'm not talking to her.

Why do relationships of any kind have to be so complicated.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Family therapy

Today was our first official famiy therapy session at PADTC. I'm so glad we had it 'cause last night was hell here.

I had let the kids go to a birthday party, when Iwent to pick them up Chantel decided to growl at e and start yelling. I told her she was grounded and she told me I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I kept thinking to myself, and growling didn't embarrass you?

We get home and Bry asked if he could go online to show me a song. I said yes, but then he needed to get off the computer and do his homwork. After he foundthe song he decided to go on youtube. I told him to get off and he got an attitude. I then told him to go and do his homework. h gotan atttude and told me to back off, he had just got home. He kept beng a brat and I ended up yelling. He ran upstairs crying and Chantel tried telling me to leave him alone. I told her if she didn't stop sh was going to be grounded for the whole weekend. She actually chose to stop. Bry came back dowstairs and we started taking.

He made the comment tht all the other kids are respectful to heir parents, an I'm always saying that it's ok to be different so why should they be like all the other kids and be respectful. Oh, this child sometimes. I told him that beng different from other people did not mean being disrespectful to your parents. Then he popped off with "Sometimes I want to tell you that e're just kids and still learning, but I know I'd get in trouble if I said that." told him, yep you'd get in trouble for saying that because there isn't a reason for you too. It's my job as the mom to teach you what's right and wrong. I already know that you're kids and don't know everything. Hell, I'm an adult and I don't know everything. It ended up being a good conversation and everyone went to bed feeling ok.

When I went to PDTC I was talking with Chantel's therapist about last night and then hebrought her in. At first she wasn't going to talk and say wha she learnd from the night before. Her therapist toldher that if she didn't she would sit out of class with a writing assignment about it. Which would mean getting X's in class and not earning a trip to DQ. She finally sat up an told us that she learned that she needs to work on being nicer to people and how it makes me feel when they act like they were.

YEAH!!!!!!! That's the most we've ever gotten out of her during any therapy session. I was so proud of her that I almost started crying.

It's these moments that make me realize that maybe I'm doing somethng right. That some of what I say is sinking in. Thank god, 'cause most of the time I think I'm talking to the walls.